Blog — emotional intelligence

What is assertive communication and behavior? 0

Assertive behavior and communication often get confused with aggression, but there is a difference between being assertive and being aggressive.

Aggressive behavior is assertiveness taken too far.

On the other hand, passive behavior is not assertive enough.

Healthy assertive behavior lies in the middle of the continuum between passive and aggressive.

Healthy assertive communication is. . .

Journal Away Your Stress 0

Studies show that when people write about stressful situations—and they include the emotional component—their physical health improves.

The studies’ control group that wrote about troubling situations, but did not include the emotional component, did not show health improvements.

As one of my clients recently described the benefit she found from journaling about a troubling situation that was stressing her out: “I felt so much better after I journaled about my feelings. It’s like it got the anxiety out of me instead of just having it churning in my head.”

Beware of taking on other people’s anxiety 0

Sometimes, we take on other people’s emotional overflow like a sponge absorbing a toxic spill. If you take on other people’s stuff, you may have no room left for yours. This can contribute to you getting overwhelmed and anxious relatively easy.

You may have absorbed other people’s anxiety if:

How to Stop Negative Self-Talk 0

You can be your own worst enemy. Negative critical messages you say to yourself can rev up your stress, hold you back, and take you down!

When I was devouring self-help books in my 30’s, one of the books I read was “Mind Traps.” It’s a huge book but the basic concept is simple: What you say to yourself is important. You don’t have to keep repeating the negative messages.

The book spurred me on to notice what I was saying to myself.

Read on for:

• examples of negative self-talk
• 3 Steps for How to Stop Negative Self-talk, and
• a negative self-talk extinguishing exercise

The Dichotomous Thinking Right/Wrong Trap 0

Dichotomous thinking is black-or-white, all-or-nothing thinking. “Di” means two. With dichotomous thinking, there are only two options.

It is not a very real way of viewing the world. Most things in reality have more than two options. Most situations have a whole continuum of possibilities between the two polar opposites.

 Dichotomous thinking creates many mind traps.

The Chinese Farmer Parable: Maybe It’s Good, Maybe It’s Bad 0

Here is my version of the Chinese Farmer fable or parable that can help you to pull out of awfulizing about your life.

A farmer who was feeling down and out because his farm was not doing well went to the local guru to complain about his plight and seek advice. The guru’s response to his story: “Maybe it’s good. Maybe it’s bad.”

The farmer found the guru’s surprising “advice” disappointing and confusing.

He tossed and turned that night, unable to sleep for worry about his situation. His head spun imagining his family’s awful future.

When the farmer woke in the morning, . . .